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Missy Manor: Missy Hyatt says "Don't Buy WrestleMania"
Submitted By James Walsh
|Thanks to Missy Hyatt for the below.
Wrestle Mania is coming up Sunday. Unfortunantly I never worked on a
Wrestle Mania. Technically I was at Wrestle Mania in 1991 [I worked
in WCW at the time]. Jason Hervey and I actually bought tickets
and attended the show. Coliseum Video even interviewed me. I
ate a WWF ice cream bar and I acted like a total mark [sign
of me being a life long wrestling fan]. Once they realized
who I was, my interview fell on the editing floor.
Thank God! That would've been the dumbest breach of contract
on my part. I came close in getting booked in 1994. I was
suppose to hang out with the Bill Clinton imposter. Too
bad when WWF heard I was in a legal war with WCW, they backed
off on me completely.
I have spent many years dealing with my Wrestle Mania mental
anguish in therapy. My therapist tries to convince me that
Starrcade is just as good as Wrestle Mania. I had to tell
my shrink that she obviously never lived through Lethal Lotteries,
Eric Bischoff's incompetant wrap arounds, Shock Masters, Black
Scorpions, and El Gigante. Why wonder I have to see a shrink.
I'm listing the many Wrestle Mania angles and scenarios I wish I could've
I always wanted to be 'Moondog Missy' for Wrestle Mania 2. I could've
came in with nappy blonde hair and stone wash jeans. I would have
managed George Steele and been his love interest. I even could have
been 'Missy Funk'. I'm closer to being a Funk than Jimmy Jack Funk.
At least Marti Funk is my friend and helped get me in the biz.
Too bad I couldn't get the role, since I'm a total Terry mark
[he's my favorite wrestler ever].
I would have loved to have been Doink's double in Wrestle Mania 8.
I wear just as much make up as Doink, so the role would have been
easy for me. I also had no problem fighting Dink in a shoot fight
at Wrestle Mania.
I would have loved to been 'Missy The Gobbledy Gooker' for the gimmick
battle royal. The Gobbledy Gooker is one of the greatest gimmicks ever.
I could even steal the gimmick and use it on the indy scene. If a zombie
that was on ECW for 1 minute can do it, than I can do it.
I wish I could have been 'Missy McMahon' when Vince faught Shane.
I could have been Vince's wife, since he could have been a bigomist.
I could have turned on Vince and went with Shane [since I wanted a piece
of Shane's future inheritance and collect alimony from Vince].
I could have been impregnated by Vince or Shane. 17.5% in child support
from somebody who makes millions. I would do it for the biz and the $$$.
Than I could be renamed 'Missy Millions'. The offer is still open.
Unfortunantly I couldn't even get booked for this Sunday's battle
royal for a shot at the ECW title. This is due to Big Daddy V's
breasts being bigger than my 34 double d's. This is how i'm
rationalizing losing my spot this year. Never at the right place,
Hopefully WWE will offer me a spot inducting Eric Bischoff in the
hall of fame. I can work in my speech how he helped put WCW out
of business and helped Vince win the wrestling war. I can bring
up all the law suits he cost WCW. I can bring up how he spent
millions on Master P, Kiss, Dennis Rodman, and helped run WCW in
the ground. I'm also willing to fight Eric in a weapons death
match at a Wrestle Mania.
I'm boycotting Wrestle Mania, since I never worked on one. Take
that Vince. Now Mayweather won't get my $54.95 towards his 20
million. I will be spending my Sunday writing blogs on why
WWE should be boycotted, unless they finally make a Missy
Hyatt legends figure as a consolation.
Don't forget to stop by at www.missyhyatt.net. Its the one
stop site for Missy pics, videos, merchandise, and it's the
greatest wrestling reality site. The site is updated constantly
with new content. I can be booked for wrestling appearances,
signings, seminars, and FOR NEXT YEAR'S WRESTLE MANIA at
1st. Lady of Wrestling
Available For Next Year's Wrestle Mania
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